December 1998/2016
Presented at Gallery Protocol as part of The Way You Look at Me curated by Nico Mazza.
13:00 video/loop installation.

Euphoric Lilac is the color that I picked for my bedroom in 1998. My dad helped me paint the walls, and we left the baseboards and trim cream. We had pocket doors in our house. Sometimes the doors didn't close all the way, and I would try to sneak by if there was something I thought I shouldn’t see. On Christmas Eve in 1998, I tried to sneak by the pocket door, heading from my room to my parents room—to say goodnight to the dog. Slightly open, I saw through the door where the Christmas tree was, and there was the bean bag. Neon orange, pleather, and very exciting. I pretended not to see it. Santa brought it.

In 2016, my boyfriend Spencer came home with me for the holidays. First we visited Sarasota where I went to college, next we drove to Gainesville where I grew up, and finally, we made it to my parents’ new house in Melrose. We rode bikes with old friends and practiced old traditions and drove by old houses and I reflected on what I was feeling. I wondered what are feelings, where do they come from, and how do they go away—and how do they stay. When you go away from a place, it seems like feelings would go away, too, but they don’t. At least not right away.

This piece is simple because it’s about the people I love and the place where we live—the place where I once lived and returned to with pieces of my new life. But it’s complex because it makes me sad. It makes me feel like I’m doing some things wrong, like I’ve left the wrong things behind, like maybe I’m forgetting the most important part of life.

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